Rubber Monster Reviews Goes To Prom With The Loved Ones!
PLUS: Murder Mary & His Name Is Wrath on KS!
Hello Bad Bugs! I know this is a little forward, but…do you want to go to the prom with us? Before you answer, we have a movie review that gives some shining examples of what NOT to do on our big night out.
THE LOVED ONES (2009)
This one somehow flew under the radar for me, and I only recently saw a recommendation going around social media. After taking a quick look at the trailer, this Aussie flick seemed right up my alley. And hot DAMN, it did not disappoint.
While the cast was largely unfamiliar to me, they all put out stellar performances. The story starts with the dorky duo of Brent (Xavier Samuel - Elvis, Apple Cider Vinegar) and Jamie (Richard Wilson - All Saints, The Proposition) on the eve of their big school dance. Jamie asks the stoner girl of his dreams, Mia (Jessica McNamee - Mortal Kombat, The Visitor), while Brent is going with his girlfriend Holly (Victoria Thaine - Scrublands, Nowhere Boys). This is going to be the cutest double date ever, right?! Wellll…enter Lola (Robin McLeavy - Homeland, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter), who also asks Brent to the dance. While he politely tells her he’s going with Holly, that doesn’t deter Lola’s intentions - to the point where she’s seen peering in a car window while Brent and Holly are busy…steaming up the glass.
We get a quick look at everyone’s personal lives, and how everything is interconnected by a grief that winds its way through their entire community. The ripples that spread out from that opening scene with Brent’s dad unfolds slowly throughout the movie.
Speaking of dads, though…Lola’s (played spectacularly by John Brumpton - Romper Stomper) is just as cuckoo-bananapants as she is, and that’s saying something! He brings the dance home to Lola, setting her up with a pretty pink dress, matching pumps, and, of course…a bound and drugged Brent! Things go wonderfully out of control from here, so I won’t spoil too much. But it’s a good blend of the unwilling guest energy from the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, mixed with a dash of the screwy vocal cord SFX from Motel Hell that made that flick so uncomfortable to watch, and throw in a generous dollop of torture porn gore that might make you wish you hadn’t eaten those nachos before watching. Glorious!
I was super glad I went into this one almost completely blind. It keeps you on the edge of your seat till the very end, and leaves you thinking about wtf you just watched for a while after that. I won’t even hint at what’s in the basement.
End Thoughts: As with any good horror movie, this one uses its soundtrack to the fullest. From the happy opening moments of father-and-son bonding set to “Lonesome Loser” by the Little River Band, to the cathartic metal tracks throughout (and MUCH Metallica paraphernalia), but ESPECIALLY the following track by Kasey Chambers, which will both get stuck in your head and bring back visuals almost as strongly as Reservoir Dogs’ infamous ear scene did with Stealer Wheel’s “Stuck In The Middle With You”.
MURDER MARY #1 - An interdimensional exterminator with a zero tolerance policy for assholes makes her debut in this one-shot story! Join us as we break the fourth wall! Thrill to the first appearance of…Mike Tener’s office space! Written by Scott Wilke and Mike Tener, with art by Marcos Almeida.
HIS NAME IS WRATH #5 - The mysterious mech known only as Wrath is back to fight the forces of hell in this post-apocalyptic battle royale! Written by Kris Jerome and Mike Tener, with art by Dave Mims.
That’s all for this time, folks!
Bugs and Kisses,
John and the Bad Bug crew
